beeee-yoot-ifull

beachday yesterday after gym and errands. V. Nice. Swam a mile or so. Weekdays are the best, no crowds. Today im back @ work. Feeling mighty sleepy.

FASHION ENHANCERS

I bought a dress with little spaghetti straps to wear to Niyi's wedding.  It was lovely, blue with sparkles.  But my sister said "YOU CAN'T WEAR A BRA WITH STRAPS WITH THAT!" and i was like, "oh, really?" *sadface.*  I HATE strapless bras.  because I have big bazoongas.  Sweater meats.  Dirty Pillows. Whatever.   And strapless bras always end up sliding down as the night progresses, pulling my boobs floorward and helping me achieve that ever fashion-forward look I like to call "Grandma tits."

I figured maybe I could avoid this by turning to a neat adhesive bra, as I had purchased a pack of them ages ago and never worn them because I was smarter back then.  These bras were called Fashion Enhancers and I figured they would solve my bra problem toot sweet.  I still don't understand why I couldn't wear a regular bra with this dress, but Kara said I couldn't, and she's a mom now, so I give her opinion on things more credence than I used to.  I applied the Fashion Enhancers as per the instructions.

I checked to make sure I was not a "woman with significant melanin" because it was indicated in the directions that this product can caused skin lightening.  I am already very, very white, especially on the boobs, so I wasn't worried and went ahead with my plan.

After applying the Fashion Enhancers my boobies were lifted somewhat but they looked kind of wrinkly and torpedo shaped.  Not good.  So I decided I better layer on the closest thing I could find in my apartment to a strapless bra, which was this bustier thing, size 36C.  My bust size is either 34D or
34DD depending on which lingerie store I get measured at.  So I strapped on the bustier thing and the cup were kind of pushed out beyond the actual boobs..  so I filled in the difference with cotton balls.  Looked swell! (as evidenced by this picture of me flapping my arms like a bird.)

Alright, so I was reasonably sort of comfortable and ready to go!  About an hour into the event I was attending my boobs got really itchy and I remembered I am allergic to most adhesives.  When I had surgery last summer I had to buy a "durable barrier cream" because all the tape holding my bandages on kept a)giving me itchy red raised rashes and/or b)ripping off bits of skin.
I should have put on the durable barrier cream before I put on the adhesive bra.  So, I had a nice time at the event, stalwartly ignoring my itchy tits by focusing on the pain of the boning in the bustier poking me in the tummy when I sat, and my toes in my brand new high shoes, blistering and grinding themselves free of flesh when I stood or moved.

After the party I went in the car and thought to myself "how can I get out of this stuff!?"  I tried to go into a gas station bathroom but the attendant told me it was "closed for cleaning."  That gas station looked like it hadn't been cleaned since 1973 but whatever.  I pulled off the adhesive bras in the car without taking off my dress or bustier (it was dark and I don't think my friends noticed me molesting myself, or if they did, they were kind enough not to mention it.)

My skin came off in three spots on my right boob, so I used some the cotton balls I had stuffed in the bustier to do a field dressing on the new wounds.  The medial surface of each under-boob was all red raised rash of course.  When I got home I found a carpet tacking nail inside the bustier (I have no idea why) and it had scratched up my tummy quite well.

So Fashion Enhancers and spaghetti strap dress and bustier and all that stuff worked out just dandy.  I highly recommend both products because one would not want to ruin one's appearance with a regular bra, right?

Now, the Fashion Enhancers came with 3 adhesive bras in the pack.  I only have two melons.  I was excited by the possibilities offered by this extra bra.  I was going to make an awesome false beard:

Or perhaps a beautiful tiara:

I asked Brian to help me decide and he said it would stick to my hair or rip the skin off my chin.  I asked him if we could put it on dittocat and he said no.

Ok time to work on the book. smell ya later!

PS: I AM GOING WADING AND SEINING TODAY!!  you are jealous.  Don't be jealous!  come with me.  Into the Depths

PS: THIS JUST IN!  BRian made me breakfast!!  i tried to take a pic like vanna white and one of the sammiches fell on the table!  but the table is clean.  i eat now.

I have sand in my bed.

trying to edit, as per usual.  drinking iced coffee... found a packet of splenda in my sister's old purse.  already nervous about tomorrow morning's coffee and the only sweetener we have in stock at the batcave is nasty pink packet sugar substitute and i hate it.  tomorrow morning might just have to a dunkin donuts day.

i gave the pink ponies my first chapter and now i have even more edits to input on top of the conglomerated edits for pages 60-100.  and of course i have yet to conglomerate and then input the edits for the remaining 130 pages.  so... yeah.  uphill battle.  especially because the internet is more fun than inputting edits.  oh well.  the internets never made anyone independently wealthy.... oh wait yep they did.  but not me.  so i need to finish this damn novel already!  but if i do that then i have to begin the super-duper-scary rejection-fest that is shopping for an agent.  so... foot dragging and procrastination.

I spent the afternoon at the beach.  fan-freaking-tastic!  i love orchard beach.  i was the only white girl there, as per usual.  we braved the rain showers and we won because the last two hours were picture perfect beach day hours.  lots of swimming and sunning and fun.  i met a little girl (because i always do, because i am a child-magnet, a baby-whisperer, whatever) and we were playing in the ocean swimming around and stuff and she asked me how old i was and i did what i always do and asked her how old was she?  and she said 8.  and so i asked her how old did she guess i was and she said 13 and it made me laugh.  good times.
*note: i am 27.

I wanted to post pics from the garden so i'm gonna do that now ok?  (you can't actually stop me so just say ok, ok?)

my tomato plant has tomatoes on it!  go team green thumb.

woah brian just gave me half a burrito and it is like nuclear fire ball hot. why is everything so flipping spicy!!! my mouth hurts.
wahwahwahwah

anyway that's my garden. basil and tomato and oregano and strawberry.

i don't have much room so i only grow foods.  decorative plants can be nice i guess but i've never bothered with them, excepting one jade plant that had immense sentimental value.  speaking of which, it had been living at my mom's for about three years, i should get a cutting.

i'm going upstate on the 27th so if you live around there i'll see you then :)

extraneous pictures i've been meaning to post:

one of my young charges is getting fitted for braces:

 her sister saw this photo, which their mom sent to us on my cell phone, and decided to shoot a mocking recreation of this pic back to her sister.  I wish i had saved it.  tres amusing.  Chloe is only five but she knows almost all the steps in creating and texting a  picture message. 

i like ice cream:

i like going to the pool with the children:

and trying on stuff at the mexican jewelry store:

ok my lovely lovelies.  my mouth still hurts and i drank all my iced coffee.  that's as good a reason as any to get back to work.

you like-a dah bronx, ehhhhhh?

holy moly i love where i live.  can you believe these pics?  scenic shit man!

here's my "friend" he is "happy"

zombie happy pirate!

brian and i are watching italy vs new zealand on UNIVISION!  I like saying UNIVISION!  i am not really watching, i am making a blog and drinking coffee but it is not that good because we don't have any splenda, or truvia, or sugar, or agave syrup OR any type of yummy creamers.  so i have the pink packet stuff uck yum cancery.

this is the bronx guys!!  pelham bay park.

I'm A MOTHERFLUCKIN BUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  (he swears because he lives near Co-Op City which is a project.  so cusses help him to express his feeling about his environs.)

I think brian is page jacking my facebook right now.  so if i say to you something horrible right now then it WASN'T ME.

and here's the beach.  i was gonna go to the beach later with ewaen
but i think it is going to be a thunderstorm so probably will go to the store to buy a present for Niyi as he is getting married.

here is my beach it is BEAUTIFUL is it not?

it's about 15 minutes away on the bx12 bus :)  most loverly.
ok what else?

me at the shore and ditty in a box.

better'n that stupid justin timberlake with d*ck in a box. ditty wins!


ok maybe more later  I have to go do editing :)